*misunDersTood_

2006-10-28T04:37:00.000-07:00

ok.
LIM YU HUI i hope you are reading
because i decided to dedicate a post to you
to you my dear fishball:
(got your tissue on standby?)

i knew you only this year
but i must say the impression you left on me will be very unforgetable
i will never forget the moments i "koped" your food
the laughter you gave me
i just wanna say you have made me a happier person
i never could smile so openly before
you broke that barrier for me
*sigh
though we had a few rough moments i guess that made our friendship stronger
i guess you're one of the true friends i have made
you will be treasured
in my eyes
no matter what the decision of whether i retain or not
just want you to know
i wish you all the best in your future undertakings...
i'm sure me, madeline and tania
will miss you dearly.
to you the fishball
sincerely, Adeline

alright that was a tender post glad i got it off my chest
all right i'll be busy during the holidays
Np clashing with all the holiday lessons
BUSY
so i guess this is pretty much my last post
still in a fuzz about whether i should retain.
i don't know
*sigh
should i choose between a good O level cert or my friends in the current 3C2
man it isn't easy
if i retain yea. i'll get another shot
if i don't i'll be able t stay with the current rock-on class
but i may get a shitty straight F's cert
*sigh
damn
just thinking bout all my schedules and programmes
and this current hard choice
feel like dying
plus my mum's pushing me to make a decision quickly
AHHHHHHHH!
ok.
END.
(don't leave a tag for some reason i am unable to see my tags)
you can try though.

2006-10-07T21:39:00.000-07:00

dudes the handphone is mine
you still can sms me..my sister is just
sigh...never mind i'm too pissed.

2006-03-17T01:28:00.000-08:00

alright i'm blogging

rare i know :D

well there's not much

wait wrong

in fact there's been too much to blog about

believe me if i do blog it will be like a novel titled

"adeline's life" hah

well i will however blog on yesterday's class outting

fun i must say

well i didn't blog it yesterday

simply cuz' i was tired,i smelled like prawns

and.

well i was tired

ok i turned up and suay yuhui was late

well her bus broke down ha

well we met up to find grace in make up

like not surprising i know

well i totally forgot her b'day

so well no present.

we started well not we he started the fire

ha.

ok.

well let's see we ate.

and we talked about everything

weird subjects..

like homosexuality????!

ok let's get off that

ell i only know joey was sick ass usual

ha.

notice the deliberate spelling error...ha

well firstly she thought the bbq tongs were thongs

like wow.that's real smart

then she made me sick

by saying rather hinting

sausages look like mini dicks

wow.that damn smart too

and any other stuff too many to blog about well i did have fun

oh yea .thanks to me PERcie is now known as the prawn

well she bears an uncanny resemblence to it

gross though

poor girl must be in depression after

seeing like 29 people ripping off the heads of her cousins and distant relatives

lol.

not to menion the de-shelling.

well after eating and bbq-ing and puking due to unwanted comments

we went to grace' room

wow.like alot of people were busy "destroying"her instruments

ha.

well,we kindda like played with lights.i know don't say it

not our fault we were bred and lights somehow are amusing

ha.

especially when people llike madeline are there

wow she should have been in eldds

can't really remember what happened after that..

oh we sang a lovely song to grace

ha.

what a lie

yea then some singing then home sweet home.

that's it

i don't really expect to be blogging for some time...

well here's a long term farewell

wow i sound like i'm dying.

ha.

2006-01-16T03:38:00.000-08:00

ha.

so you really think i'm quitting np just because i didn't get promoted i have my resons

why use the sentence

"i tried putting myself in your shoes"

"go reflect"

you think i'm so bitchy?

you think i have not reflected at all

have you really all along thought i'm so complacent

you were wrong

if you thought that all i did was complain

and whine

and "swear and curse at people"

you were wrong

how do you know how i feel?!

how do you know what are my REAL reasons for quitting

assuming

is that all you guys hav been doing when i voice out?

if so, i'm hurt.

you know what i don't know what to type anymore

seems you guys just assumed

the reason i quit np was because i hated mrs koh

yes i do.really

but there are other reasons

"why must you go cut your hair so short?"

ha i know too.

anyone can say this

ANYONE

i don't mind keeping my hair long

perfectly fine with me

it's shocking to see that

all this while you guys thought i was all negetive

fine.

call it whatever you want

it's still sad to see that

you thought i only complain

whine

and did not reflect

how do you know what goes through every night?

how do you know?!

how do you know that when refections go through my head

all ican do is swear at mrs koh?!

how do you know i do not weep over np?!

i'll say this again i love np and still do

"rank doesn't matter"

anyoe can say that

you really thought i was so consious of it?!

NO?!

i can tell you straight in the face

doesn't mean i break down only when i don't get promoted

mean that rank is all i care about

you guys emphasize so much on the memories

you think i had a good time coming to my decision

let me tell you this in the face

it was a painful decision.

you think i really wanna give it up

anyone can say that letting

two years go down the drain is a a watse

me pushing blame to other people?!

i don't blame anyone but myself for this shit i'm in

once again anyone can say that

it's disgusting in the midst of my confusion

to see that you think i'm a blame shifter

you think it's so easy don't you.?

just sit here and "complain and whine"

and then finally say something like

"i'm quiting"

you guys don't know

just simply thought i sat here typed my previous post for fun?!

let me say this again.it was a painful decision.

i don't wanna leave np too.

if you thought i was smiling when i typed the post you were damn wrong

let me tell you i was on the verge of tears.

in fact i cried.

it's good anyway.

finally i know how you guys felt about me all along

to think i actually felt such great agony while deciding

i'm just plain disturbed.

please stop assuming.

let me emphasize on this again

i love np and i still do.

the reason i stayed on so long is because i loved the cca

it seems now there's no need for me to stay on.

2006-01-14T05:19:00.000-08:00

i find school a drag now

thanks to you

why..?

everything was fine

i had high hopes for my promo

yet again this year you spoilt it

i knew when i heard when my name was not on promo list

immediate disppointment

you pulled my hopes down

do you know how many ppl have quit because of you

just for once can you trust my skills, for once

stop judging me just because of my appearence

i tried

after all i committed to np

this is what i get

i loved np

i thought it was something i could de-stress in

something i could really love as a cca

yet year after year after year

you never fail to make me cry

do you know what i have done for np

do you know what i have sacrifice for np?!

DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS?!

my time my effort my passion for np

YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR!

WASTED?!WHY?1

WHY DO THIS TO ME?!

when i heard the news i tried my best not to cry

really.i could not concentrate the entire day

I'LL SAY THIS AGAIN YOU NEVER FAIL TO HURT ME

YOUR DECISIONS.

yet when i ask you, all you do is glare

you push me to quit

why should i go to a cca which doen't appreaciate me?!

i can't stand it anymore

you always push me to a corner

yet ican't quit because i think of all my effort

yet i think also of my wasted time ,effort

WHY YOU BITCH I DID NOTHING TO YOU

i loved the cca yet you have nothing good for me all you

do is push, accuse, demoralise

WHY?!

i can't tell anyone how i feel

really i am hurt

this is not the first time

it won't be the last

my shoulder is blank and i bet it is gonna stay that way until sec 4

impossible?

no?!

why?!

because at sec three you still distrust me

i tried my best

just get out of my sight

you know who you are

that's right

kmc.

i'm sick of you

sick of your false accusations

sick of your distrust

sick of your biasness

sick of your shit

you did it...you will recieve my letter

i am quitting np once and for all..

thanks to you

you should be happy no more

"butches"

in your cca

i'm just gonna be cca-less

thanks to you

i loved np and still do

but i have decided to give it up

sec three squad i'm sorry

it was fun

but it's over

sorry

2005-12-09T02:12:00.000-08:00

Combine stairway to heaven's song
love story in harvard and
a gorgeous kim tae hee and what do you get?
a fab blog like mine...
oh my god
the song is so touching
i can sing it all day

kim tae hee is so pretty
drop dead gorgeous
lol if she reads my blog she'll think i'm some kind of stalker

nonetheless i think this blog appeals to me...and i'm in love with it...oh i love it...

i love the song..

till then cry your heart while hearing the song

the lead singer's voice is sad....='@

out ya'll korean fanatic was here

2005-11-19T15:20:00.000-08:00

this post is sad.

very very sad

i just heard something

and then i had it confirmed

it broke my heart

really

literally shattered

you have no idea how much you have hurt me

i thought you were..

you have changed

so have i

but all these years

i didn't expect this.

you really broke my heart

first time in a long time have i cried

i don't wish to continue

know this you broke my heart.

2005-11-13T19:19:00.000-08:00

hey i'm back ppl..
to those who were trying to contact for the past three days...sorry..i was at pulau ubin.

wow.i finally survived atc.

and if you think sweating a river and not bathing for three days

AND

sleeping in ant infested tents is unbearable think again

it's fun to a certain extent.

bathed feel so fresh and clean

i just realised the importance of a bathtub

but.also to a certain extent i'm

well...disappointed.

mainly because the atc was a bit slack

the pumpings were only a handful

the facilities were good.

training was surprising easy

i expected like maybe 100 pumpings a day

no nightwalk.(*sigh.this is something i look forward to.)

sentry duty.we did it but with an inspector

fire drill only once.

wake up time at 6.

only did 25 pumpings for like a pile of unclaimed clothes.

area cleaning they found no faults.

even the sec one training camp tougher

seriously quite slack.

nonetheless i had fun.

i became super tan.

i bet my classmates won't recognise me.

nonetheless if you see me outside.don't freak out.

probably thought i microwaved myself

that's about all...gonna eat.then sleep again

i missed singapore.

i love civilization.

to my squad,

have a good rest.

peace out=)

2005-11-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

i really can't take it anymore

i look okay

but i'm so tired

like two weeks of camp..

maybe like don't know how many months of campcraft training

camp after camp

training after training

i can't believe i am complaining on my first post since my last post

although i'm tired.

i shall endure

this is the price to pay if you join np

i dunno what i'm typing

probably just a load of crap

I'm tired

i'm drained out

i'm frustrated

i'm having a headache

they actually just boil down to one thing..

i'm tired and frustrated

today sucked

i shall end my post.

probably won't be blogging for some time

peace out.

2005-11-03T21:20:00.000-08:00

kelly clarkson
i have no idea why i'm doing this

somehow i must admit.

i'm not in y best of moods

"Behind These Hazel Eyes"
Seems like just yesterdayYou were a part of meI used to stand so tallI used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleepI'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once againI'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretendJust thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyesI told you everything
Opened up and let you inYou made me feel alright
For once in my lifeNow all that's left of meIs what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleepI'm barely hangin' onHere I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretendJust thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyesSwallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me nowNo, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...Here I am, once againI'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretendJust thought you were the one
Broken up, deep insideBut you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyesHere I am, once againI'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretendJust thought you were the one
Broken up, deep insideBut you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

2005-09-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

so i haven't updated my blog for a long time.

bascically cause i'm like so busy
mugging for the FINAL year exams

ok..for the past month
there were stuff like shooting and cd[civil defence] courses

to attend

yesterday's np session was how shall i put it.

tough

ok the temp was like 38

then they were making suffer by doing pointless amounts

hentak

not only that i anticipated the drills

especially the keblakangs

don't noe what's wrong with me man..

sure hope it's not because i'm losing interest in np.

if so...then that's just sad
ok back to np

during pt

lizzie was being a lamer telling jokes that weren't even like funny

so basically she was just laughing at her own jokes

after np

yun zhen

being a nice person like the first time in history

give me and danica a ride to the bus stop

so we kindda like left lizzie out..*awww

come on those who don't symphatise with lizzie

breathe

haha
i'm being a meanie

but that's rare cause i'm like the nicest person in the whole entire squad..

hee.

bad joke dun laugh

one more thing

here's a joke

i dedicate to all you people out there

"once there was a lizzie so concave people pratically got lost in there..."

lol!

funnny.

2005-08-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

hey you ppl out there!

back with my newest post...which is rare..

ok...blogging in my baptism todae

pretty fun thought not as scary as i thought...

pastor guy saed words that were really

you know

able to relate to me...

ok getting abit too spiritual

i shall share my experience with you

just in case you're one of those

who think baptism is a "scary" thing to go to...

not much

first of all you get to ride to da pool in this posh looking coach

then you alight

change

attned a short demo and briefing on baptism

then you get into like ywo lines

then you simply await your turn to get baptised

they'll "dunk" ur head in water

for maybe....3 ecs...

and THAT'S IT!

so simple and quick it's almost

unbelievable

then you ride back in the coach

yup that's all....

so if you're reading this

i reccomend you sign up for the next baptism..

that's all,

peace out

2005-08-05T14:43:00.000-07:00

todae's post is for yesterdae....make sense?

i'm the best man

actually

not really

todae was bad

maths test was easy..(*surprisingly)

after physics my luck was down.

i was desperately trying to get my mom send the berret to me!

i forgot apparently..again.

i was half way through the call

the gay teacher came in and like

i was this so close

to getting caught

anyway

i hid it and tried to stand.

i was making the call behind my partner's chair...

...

so i stood up

the back door swinged open my leg was knocked

super hard

almost instantly

i saw the clot at my leg swelling

i sweared of course

the rest of the time i was just watching sadistic cheryl

twisting off the ndp bear's head...

*poor bear

so after school i sprinted home and back(*not literally)

and guess what i JUST HAD to twist my ankle

so i limped..

and limped

and limped.

which made me obviously very very

LATE

i rush in asked for directions from this st.john gurl

managed to slip into the parade

drills.

ndp.

drills.

ndp

that's all we've been doing

think that's all but

before i end

i shall

promise my squadmates

never again

will i forget to bring my berret

if i do well....

i dunno.

guess i'll just be killed by you guys...

2005-07-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

to the person i lost my cool with.

sorry.

i really don't feel like apologising to you

but still you're my senior.

and if i dun.my squadmates will think i' super evil

ok todae:

morning.bad

lessons were okay i guess

ermx.then np was.

repetitive??

ha.

basically cuz we were doin the same thing like over and

over again

practiced ndp structure like8 times

then something something

i dun want to say

but i won't take it to heart

thought it really hurt me.

well i guess i thought i could make it through

now i even got meself in hot shit

i told the squad to self dressing

then mrs raja was like"FDGSERGHRTTHR"

that her for you

high and unpredictable voice.

so like the ppl involved and not in ndp were like seperated

well i think that's all there is to blog

just waiting

for me rank

4 more weeks

but i do fear that maybe at the end

i will not get it.

whoa!

i'll die

so malu can?

everyone in the ndp thing has a rank at least.

i'm like the ONLY private there.

whatever

shall wait=)

2005-07-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

i am officiallly pissed off

man where do i start..

alright i work my ass off for promos...

and wat do i get....

let me tell you

so class was like over then went down

cuz me form teacher told me to go look for kmc

so i went there....she was late

so much so i even had time to like "bump" into glynnis

found her

talked to me personally

found her so cruel

i mean here i am trying to change

there she is going like"change your attitude"

she said she can see potential in me

i mean i'm trying gal...

are there like stamps on ur eyes?

i stopped the jacket thing.

stopped the spiking

everything

i trying so so very hard

and you kmc just

come along and spit that stupid discouraging demoralizing

line into my face

then she moved on to literally force me into saein' stuff i don't do

then she told me she's gonnna give me a chance because of my potential

moving along

so she saed me is gonna be put under..

listen carefully

PROBATION

she saed i could choose between remainin' a private

take the challange and go for it

she then pressured me into taking up the challange

HALLO?!

PROBATION?!

like what did i do?

she talkin' as though i murdered somone

she pisses me off++

todae.

muster parade.

my name was announced to be promoted

but guess what i wasn't given the rank..

i mean like

kmc saed i'll get it....but in the end?nothing.

so i was like sad...

because i felt like so discouraged....

so my timing and drills sucked for about 2 hours.

infact i didn't even answer any

of our nco questions...

oh well....

just get through this term and that ranks mine

KMC no matter what you do...

i'm getting that rank and you can't stop me

in fact i'm gonna make you eat back ur wordz and

get promoted twice next year..

BWAhahax!!!!

2005-06-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

GLYNNIS

the following post is dedicated to you

alright .

moral of this post.dun bitch about ppl you dun understand

first of all.

i did not promise you guyz i'll go for the shopping thingy.

so you without even using your brain ASSumed that i played you guyz out

i'm a person of initiativeness

i wanted to call.but something in ny house was goin on.

what do you understand about me?!

let me TEACH you the veh obvious

diff between comment and insult

eg.you are a bitch

i think you should stop bitching around

question.ask urself which is comment which is insult

go and think what i really saed about my squadmates

my hair.

i got enough views on me hair

i dun need ur whiny assed opinion on it.

fourth

my face if you think it carries the CUT-THE-CRAP

attitude too bad.

it's my face

it's not like i'll go for plastic surgery

just because a brainless ass like you think you thinks something's wrong with my face...

when you consloed me

it's like rubbing salt into my wound

you will never understand how it feels not to get promoted.

much as you try to understand

my situation you wun be able to

simply because you're not in it

more over you saed when you dun console us..

its like you dun care for us

did i ever sae that

think ass.

i didn't .

i dun care

stop putting words in my mouth

called me a what's that..?

LAZY ARSE.

let me educate you once again

you guyz didn't even call...

NOT EVEN ONCE

since the hougang mall thingy

i didn't even noe about ANY of the present thingy sessions

i can't predict when you guyz are meetin

if i was really that"bitch" you made me out to be on me blog

i can totally skip the party like you saed

and really be a bitch

cuz you guyz would have to cancel the prymid

last minute and come up with something else

i could complicate stuff

but i

i'll go...cuz i am not that bitch

i was so sick and pissed after reading what you saed..

so gutless.

why not just come up to me and tell me what you hate

instead of being a HYPOCRITE

and pretend to smile when you really can't stand it

like i saed dun bitch about ppl u dun know well

go do ur research b4 bitching around

ask urself was i really playing you guyz out that dae?or had i tried to call?

dun cross my path.dun step all over me.

DUN STEP ON MY HEAD.

i can't gurantee i will be able to tolerate you

if there's one type of person i hate.

it's your type.

did you think by going like

"if i dare to bitch about you here.then i dare to say ur name."

that's the most suck ass statment i've heard

dun think for one moment that saein that

makes you so high and mighty.willing to own up to your bitching

let me sae this one last time

DUN BITCH ABOUT PPL YOU DUN KNOW WELL

and i'm not nice to fuck with...

so DUN FUCK WITH ME...

2005-05-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

awww.

heyz peeps

haven written for a long time

so much stuff happennin' recently

not really much time to mess around

so i changed the skin i think

ayumi's damn cute so adorable!!!!

finally managed to get me hands on this song moments.

so like .i dunno where to start

ok me promos

i dunno i hope i'll pass

not that my hopes are high but i just hope for

once mrs koh won't take hair in one of the rankings

walk a jog. terrible

practically

the whole of the sec two bunch were just walking

throughout the 2.5km

ok i didn't really just walk 25k.more like 8k

ok 2.5 to and 2.5 back

from there another

2kto macs then 2k back and

another 1k home

definately loss weight

well i'm well over ayumi

but she'll still be my idol..

well that's 'bout all

the rest are personal;(oooo)

till then you noe u love the royal potato

2005-05-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

ppl....

ok so i'm feeling better

yepps.

still mourning over ayumi

ayu picture count:40+

ok here's a song for you guys

transated

Moments
Your heart began to be scorched,and there was a smell of itIt was the end of your dream,and the start of everythingWhat you adored looked beautiful to youIt became even brighter because you couldn't reach it
The broken pieces of your dreamPierce my heartLeaving the painThat I should never forget
If my life is transient like a flowerI'll be in full bloom by your sideAnd after watching your smileI'll fall alone, quietly
How was the scenery you sawWhen you were pushed into an abyss of despair
Your naked heart is wanderingHaving nowhere to goAnd is setting sharp thorns aroundFor fear of being touched
If I could flutter like a birdI would fly to youAnd offer my wingTo your wounded back
If my life is transient like a flowerI'll be in full bloom by your sideAnd after watching your smileI'll fall alone, quietly
If I could flutter like a birdI would fly to youAnd offer my wingTo your wounded back
If I could flow like the windI would reach youIf I could shine like a moonI would keep shining on you
I'll be anythingIf it can stop you from being seized with fear

2005-05-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

(*sniffs dramatically)

AYUMI is getting married!!!

even worse she's retiring...

why

*sniff.sniff*

never mind i will get over it after maybe i dunno a week??

i'm sick

i feel guilty for missing shooting

but can i help it?no.

let's see mon no school

tue went to school

wed sick.(*2 daes mc)=)

thur(*absent)

fri...no school

cool

i only went to school once this week...

know wad i actually...

i dunno

miss school?

i dunno...=)

anyway really been just droopin' around this week

you noe after the whole ayumi's geeting married

and retiring thing.

*sniff my biggest idol

most favourite jap singer

listening to carols now..

so sad...

eng lyrics are all so sad

feel like mourning

i mean not that she's dead...

but

SHE IS RETIRING AND GETTING MARRIED

oh....i'm so hurt..

nvm

i'll live

you'll see

i have suffered all kinds of shit b4

this ain't the first and

it won't be the last

drop by and gimme a hug

if u care that is

if not at least

plz dun insult her infront of me

signin' of

you noe you love me

royal potato

2005-04-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

going crazy over ayumi!!!

have like 26 of her pics...haha

ayumi will be my idol..

forever

dun worry

i'm not stalking her

argh!!!!!so happy!!!

found all of the english translated versions of her songs!!!!

HAHAHA ...

elated.....

i'm floating

2005-04-17T02:00:00.000-07:00

i can't really think of something to blog

just depressed

i don't really know what to do with my life anymore

2005-04-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

days passed.....became months

years

when we parted i know you cried

every night you would blame yourself

when it was time for school

you would smile

pretend

when you returned to your room again you would slowly slip into

depression

you would think of doing things

stupid and suicidal things

you know you shouldn't

when you thought you got over me

you realised you couldn't

everynight you'd stare out at the stars

wondering if i was too...feeling how you felt

i see it in your eyes

i know all this is because...

i was going through it too

truth is everytime you look out staring

at the stars

i was there too.....

i never ever left you

but whenever we met

we would pretend

pretend to be strangers

when both of us long for this cold war to end

you thought i didn't care but truth is i do

i really really sincerely do

you thought when on that day we walked away from each other

and started raining i left you too...

that day.

that second

truth is i didn't

i too thought that way

but it wasn't true

i don't know whether this

will ever reach you

just remember everytime you cried

i was there waiting to to hold you

and bring you back to the time you thought i was everything

your hero and that i would never let you go

to the place where you were always happy

now we are like zombies

walking around never smiling never

being our real self

we vent our anger by screaming silently

i don't know whether this will reach you

but i'm sorry

i'm so very sorry

truly i am

just remember i love you alot....

2005-04-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

"the hardest thing...

is being close to someone you know you can't have..."

i find this statement so true

if only you knew why i can't tell you i love you

as much as i want to...i really can't

if only you'd understand all of this is just a front

i really need you

it's all just a front

much as i pretend

when i'm near you

i can't help it anyone

i REALLY need to tell you

but..

i'm..

afraid

afraid of your reaction

oh my god

i can't take this anymore

i really feel like just

gripping you by your shoulders

tell you in the face"I LOVE YOU"

and then i would embrace you

if only i could

i really would

i really wanna tell you how i feel

how i really need you

that everything is really just a front

under my hard core front is somone crying out to you

to make things worse.

when people are around i have to pretend to hate you

you've been on mah mind so much

i can't seem to do anything anymore.

well not right

if only your friends weren't so critical

if only you weren't

so....

pretty

i promised..

i swear upon my life

if ever conditions are favourable

i WILL tell. you

just remember i really really REALLY love you

i'll be here

why?

so that when you come here you'll find me...i promise...

if ever so i can't tell you

i hope we'll still meet later in life......

i hope everything will be okay....

2005-03-18T16:49:00.000-08:00

hehex...

had shooting yesterdae

went there sweating

questioned by mrs raja for havin' my hair...

lookin' like a durain head

my wonderful belivable excuse???

"the wind...."

nice goin'.

but

i WAS THE BEST SHOOTER

wheeeeee!!

didn't expect it....

hah

but still must practice though can't get all big headed

felt some real elation at last...

*sigh

school's startin' soon

...

i want mah sleep

but holidaes aren't that good

gives people time to slowly slip into madness

lolx....

guess i'm getting lame...

well if u're thinkin'..

wad to get me for mah b'dae

wheelchair will do

can't use crutches..

mah leg's conditi0n

too bad...

2005-03-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

Simple Plan - Shut Up

There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big show
It's all about you
You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time
To criticize me
It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today
So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
There you go
You never ask why
It's all a big lie
Whatever you do
You think you're special
But I know, and I know
And I know, and we know
That you're not
You're always there to point
Out my mistakes
And shove them in my face
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today
So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
Is gonna bring me down
Will never bring me down
Don't tell me who I should be
And don't try to tell me what's right for me
Don't tell me what I should do
I don't wanna waste my time
I'll watch you fade away
So shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out, get out, get out
Get out of my way
Step up, step up, step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down
Bring me down
{shut up, shut up, shut up}
Won't bring me down
{shut up, shut up, shut up}
Bring me down
{shut up, shut up, shut up}
Won't bring me down
Shut up, shut up, shut up

2005-02-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

*haiz

skool these daes r like stressin' me out ++

i can't even blog....

alot of stuff on me mind lately...

...

schedule's so packed...

can't even blog

i dunno seems like ppl can't hang out no more

we're all bein' stretched to the maximum

sometimes i understand y ppl actually do stuff like slash their wrists

ha!i a class consellor but yet

i myself am so depressed.hu then will

willingly stretch out their hands

and sae"i'll help u"

everyone around is so demanding

even my cca

...

seems the onli way i can express mah stress

is by drownin' mahself wif ayumi's songs

and grit mah teeth till it bleeds dry

even miss chan saes she senses something

that i'm being in another place

depressed

all i can do is smile sweetly

and sae

"everything's fine".

when it's not when i dying to lean on somone to cry on

when i have to lie and put a happy and strong front

i'm not that strong

i'm actually weak

fragile

SCARED

but hu will care

when ppl can't wait to see mah downfall

...

those readin'

dun be shocked

dun feel anything dun think

cuz what i saed here is true

this is the onli post i'm writing

that actually expresses how i really feel

i see teens happily walkin'

i wonder izit true happiness or a front?

i'm not crazy juz unwell

yes,i'm not happy

never will be

not well

unless...

that someone comes and lend me that shoulder that listenin'

but how long will that be?

...

after readin'

dun come till the weekend i won't be bloggin' fer a very long time.

juz go.

far

away

2005-02-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

Games
There's a time when your, "maybe later"
becomes too late.
The cards have been dealt,
I guess this is fate.
I can't change my hand now,
I'm in the game.
I've gotta play my hand
without any shame.
I've gotta put on my 'game' face
and play the part
(wrapped up in ribbons and lace.)
I've gotta sell myself and take her place.
I don't need this.
I am better than him.
I am standing on the rim,
ready to fall.
I come running
everytime he calls-
but that's gonna stop
and I'm gonna come out on top.
When my hand is over
and this game comes to an end
I'll be the same old me,
with a broken heart... once again.

Do you remember....
Do you remember the way it felt when we first kissed,
Your soft lips against mine?
Do you remember the first time you looked into my eyes
and saw the flame that burned for you deep in my heart?
Do you remember the way we stayed up all night
and talked about our dreams?
Do you remember the way we would know it all...
without having to say a word?
Do you remember when we thought our lives would come together
like a circle that never ends?
Do you remember when we thought
the world would revolve around our love?
I do...
And it is remembering that makes it hard for me to forget.

*haiz*

y..?

2005-02-09T00:35:00.000-08:00

Ayumi hamasaki carols

Hajimete atta hi wo Ima mo oboeteiru?
Tereta you ni kimi wa utsumuiteMe wo sorashite bakari datta neSono shigusa wo totemo Itoshiku omou you niNatta no wa itsu no goro datta kanaNanda ka natsukashii neYagate ikutsumo no kisetsu gaBokutachi no mae wo ashibaya ni toorinuketa
(*) Shiroi yuki ga machi wo someru goro ni moKimi no soba ni isaseteWatashi korekara moKomarasete bakari ka mo shirenai kedoYodooshi hanashiteta Mirai da to ka ima gaAmari ni watashi ni wa mabushikuteToudoku kanjite itaItsuka kako wo yuruseru hi gaKuru to ii no ni to omottara namida afureta
(**) Shiroi yuki ga tokete machi gaAzayaka ni irodorareru goro moKoushite kimi no koto gaDaiji de shikata nai watashi de itaiWakariaenai mama Surechigatta hi moNamida no hi Soshite egao afureru hi moSou donna toki datteDonna kimi de atte moItsumo uketomeru yo
(*) repeat
(**) repeat

2005-02-04T13:00:00.000-08:00

Frankie j(don't wanna try)
(oooo)...dont wanna try dont wanna try (try try)(oooo)..dont wanna try no more(ooo)..dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try
Verse 1i cant believe u had the nerve to say the things u said they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship i cant believe it ..
4 years go down the drain oh how i wish things would of happened so differently i tried to save it so many times but you still couldnt see
kept insistin and resistin that u would not fall again and now u tryin to tell me that ur sorry and ur tryin to come back home
ur tellin me u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor but baby i
-Chorus
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
dont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road baby just let it go dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love
Verse 2
u and i had many conversations on the telephone talks about one day we having a place of our own

wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from mehad to wake up face realityit all just seem to good to be true after all you put me throughand now u tryin to tell me that ur sorryand u tryin to come back homeu tellin me that u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor but baby i
-Chorusdont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no moreu keep insisting when u know our love is out the doordont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things i hurt u bad to when we both begin to crydont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough roadbaby just let it godont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love
[..fading into beat](dont wanna try dont wanna try)(dont wanna try no more)(dont wanna try dont wanna try..oo)
(dont wanna try dont wanna try)(dont wanna try no more)(dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more ooo)

2005-01-23T20:30:00.000-08:00

hahaha....

wow....

a month after school life

and

I SURVIVED

so amazing ryte..

i mean besides getting caught by miss gan for hair

having to throw my socks away

losing my fbt trackp.my shirt

getting my ass fried by mrs koh

overall ifind it okay......

i mean there r teachers who r like bound to dislike ur face

b'cuz of hair

having to stick the same pair of sb's throughout until i dunno when

LOL

anyway

there's skool tomorrow...

feel like skipping....

heh

BUT.

i shall not give in to temptation because

i'm guai

u noe something i dun even noe what am i doin' bloggin...

oh yarh

it's because i'm bored...

-.-

help i'm becoming so lame i need crutches

...

ok THAT was lame

*haiz

i can't wait for the pizza to come....

stupid delivery person...

maybe his bike crashed or something

...

yay...i'm gonna stuff my face wif junk food again whee!

....k i'm writing shit

*pfft i better stop here...

(*burp)

2005-01-14T21:50:00.000-08:00

*haiz

todae had np..

when i found out i wasn't gonna get promoted

i cried

totally broke down

i couldn't take it

i mean after all the shit i went through for a year

the ndp

the camp especially

i was sick i went through it

i had slight breathing probs on that dae and still i endured

promo test i can safely sae i didn't do that bad

juz because mrs koh mei chin didn't like mah face she didn't promote me

i mean surely of all ppl she should noe that

u dun judge somone by their appearence

especially in np

judge by performance

i wa so emotionally shattered

i mean seein' all mah squadmates

gettin' their ranks on muster parade

i really was happy for them

but deep down i felt broken

i wanted to quit

i was thinking why stay in a cca

which u noe u will nv get anything out of it

mrs koh doesn't like me i think

no point tryin' ta lick her ass

when all she's gonna do is hate u

SIMPLE BECAUSE U GOT SPIKEY HAIR

i really dunno how to pen down all mah feelings.

it's too much

i just hope that if i stay on it won't be a waste

...

2005-01-11T20:00:00.000-08:00

skool these daes are alright...

juz too bad i missed the cca fair thingy

nvm

i WILL attend next year's fair

...

for now...

my life iz meesed up

dun ask y

even if u knew

u wouldn't noe

how would u define your true love

how would you noe that that someone

is your true love

how would u noe if that someone will spend the rest of their lives with you?

how would u noe if they'll stick through thick and thin with you

no one's perfect

there is no suchthing as the PERFECT partner

seriously

all i ever learned from love was

it really is blind and how

to shoot at someone who outdo u

seems noe the onli way of stress relief

is my cca

one more ques...

wad if that someone u loved suddenly

changed

suddenly

disappeared

and no matter how hard u try

u will eventually

loose grasp of their hand

at that moment u r standing there

looking at that someone

and they r walkin' away from u...

wad

would

do?

it's not easy to answer onli if u were there

u'll see wad i mean...

2005-01-01T16:12:00.000-08:00

hahax

skool iz onli two daes away...

dun wanna go back

i need more rest...ha

it'll be such a boring repeatin' schedule

i have to follow

*5.30am wake up

*brush teeth

*eat a miserable breakfast on e bus

*put my ass in skool fer so many hours starin' at weird teachers

*hang out a while

*go home

*bathe

*eat

*do hw...(guai)

*eat

*restt

*sleeeeep

and so on....

i'll be so bored

but there will be holidaes

i'm stressed

streamin' year

i think it's too much of a rush

...

i'm tired

juz came back from a..ermx...outing

now i gonna disappear magically

and glue my eyes to maple story

*poof*

gone.

2004-12-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

ok....haven't posted anything fer a long time.....
changed the skin
so pissed i mean the blog's so freakin' messed up
sorry
my tagboard temporarily no where to put....
i mean it can't be inserted...
if i do
the tag will appear after every post?!
i even lost all the links.....ARGHX.
try to e-mail me ur addresses so i dun hav to do so much work
((:
didn't do much durin' this week
i mean besides...doin' hw(whao)
i melt into the bed frequently
i'm so good u may think i'm part of the bed
yarhx.....saw thiz orchard night show thing
went christmas shoppin'
everywhere's like so crowdedi'm allergic to ppl....ha

anywayz...imagine this scene

u are innocently shoppin'
then u see thiz old guy
pickin' out smth
u have to walk past thiz guy and when u do he farts SO damn loud in ur face
((*not exactly in ur face)
then at thqat intense moment everyone's
investigatin' who's pollutin' the air
so happen u r near the guy and
and everyone starts starin' at ya
then u give the
"i didn't do it i am innocent!"face but no one believes u
then they start laughin' and u r there
wif the fart bomb

ok....that happened to me
and i was so damn embarresed
and that fart bomb got away wif it

ever since that traumatic experience
i hated old men ever since

bwahahax....-.-'''

oh yarhx....wish ya'll merry christmas...

< >
/`
/ o `
/ o `
-------

2004-12-11T15:44:00.000-08:00

ARHGGGGGGGGGGGGXXXXXX!!!
help me..
i got outbreak
mah face is 15% covered wif pimples...
...
i look sick now...
aniwaiz......25th goin' sb shoppin'...
anyone wanna tag along
welcome
thinkin' of shoppin' at heartland mall

now mah hw
still left wif so many stuff ta do
ahhh
goin'crazy...
the moment i see the papers and assignments
i get turned of
plz....i think like we're
the ONLY skool
that'z like given hw during
the dec holidaes
... bored...
newspaper article
not sure wad ta pick
i mean there might be an article on mah death b'cuz of hw
girl dies after receivin' too much hw...
then suddenly all the skool's in s'pore will stop pilin' their
poor students wif hw.....

* *
$$%#^&^*@#
() ......()

me ( X -X) [-l-]
()o()OOOO hw

stressed...

2004-12-07T15:30:00.000-08:00

i have been depressed
i dunno
i juz find it such a big impact to me
i dun think i will be able to get over it so easily
i mean i feel as though i'm the ppl i trust can't be trusted animore
i dun believe it .i juz can't
i mean whole skool
nvm.i woke up todae and realised
...
.
..
that wad i really wanna do iz
juz go back to sleep
and not wake up
i wished all thiz is juz a dream

and when i wake up
hopefully
juz maybe
maybe
it will juz all be gone
like that.
*puff*
.

2004-12-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

i feel so betrayed
i mean wad did i do do to deserve this
it's like one moment i was fine
then next moment i'm swellin' up wif swear words...
i think i got split personality
it's like i was backstabbed by three ppl
and
it was totally not mah fault
now when u confront them they go like
"wad me?did i sae that?"
i mean how fuckin' bitchy can they get
i am so fucked up
i swear they WILL be labelled
from now
man...like now the whole damn blardy skool
think it's me
i mean like wad the hell
all they do iz make mah life a livin' hell

these three ppl
have NOTHING better to do
i mean they are such irritants
such fuckin' blardy whiny assed bitchyfied assholes
all thanx to them the whole thinks i'm "famous"
in a bad way
all r such two faced freaks
GOD!?
i mean they're like nice ta u then later their like enjoyin' themselves backstabbin'
u.they r like competin'....seein' who's
gonna be able to ruin mah life....

i better stop......i 'm too pissed.

2004-12-02T20:50:00.000-08:00

hahax.....mah old bandages have been removed
i saw melissa mdm at parkway cann?she was like starin'
i was like satrin' then we juz walked off funny
then todae saw mei shi at a (*gulp)
BRA SHOP??
then i saw corldelia and camelia
then i went ta STEDGE
get my ears pierced
then shopped fer sb's....
then now i'm at home finally....
so darn tired ..
watchin' acharr
hahaz...so funny
aniwaiz....yarhx that's 'bout all.....u noe wad....suddenly i miss
skool i miss all mah friends.....
i miss....
NP
but strange
seems as though throughout
the holidaes
i have seemed to get nuthin' but injuries

2004-11-29T19:50:00.000-08:00

*sigh*
it's been a bad dae...or week
first i faced a huge embarassment of a scene i didn't create.

then now there's a limit to da amount of swear wordz i can use....shit asshole....so lame
i'm still havin' those strange dreams

now the worse....

something happened i think it was a fall
or something..

onli that there waz an impact
i knocked out...
mah doctor saed i have a concusion
asked whether iwanna put bandage
put lorhx...aniwaiz...if it'll help ease da pain why not??
*OUCH*

so painful...
wad if i loose mah memory...
*haiz*
ouch.ouch.ouch.
ouch.ouch.ouch.
HELP...
_-_
l_-_l
(-o-)
o + o
()...()o
^
head injury..

2004-11-26T21:26:00.000-08:00

nuthin' much realli....juz cut mah hair...it's like damn unique...kaes bhb..
i can't b'lieve it juz cuz da stylist found out i actually trimmed
mah own hair he saed he wanted to employ me...hahaz
k he was like teachin' me how ta
cut spikes and stuff
now i feel fat
cuz i juz gobbled down
a huge burger
fries
coke...(upsize)
chicken cheese sticks
and yarh that's 'bout all....all thanx ta burger king...

*burp opps...i think i ate too much....hahax

man like i got cramps everywhere
butt cramp
neck cramp
mens cramp..
and so on....
arhghx....
i'm bored....nvm i can always count mah faithful finger hairs
1
...2
3...
4...
...
*zzzzz*
().....()
(-.-)
(..)oo(..)

2004-11-25T13:47:00.000-08:00

shit i've been havin' a bad dae....juz woke up from a bad dream
i'm sweatin'...dun now whie.....few hours
ago i was up too scared to sleep...
watched a horror movie.
B4 MY SLEEP
man it sux.......
i'm havin' cold feet..
then juz beside me there's a stupid movie playin'...the story line sux so much
now i'm juz typin'
then i've been accused of doin' smth i didn't do...
then fer some reason i fell and
..
well now i've got a really bad wound..
now i juz been told i got a limited time ta use THE com...
it's the holidaes...
k nvm...

in a blardy bad mood now...
i need to sleep....
bad...
mah life is juz filled wif shit..

i dunno why...it's like it all messed up...

2004-11-24T16:16:00.000-08:00

haz...hope thiz song doesn't offend too many ppl
aniwaiz
nuthin' new....juz hung out with mah gurl fwens at cine...
seriously i'm gettin' sick of that place...too many....well bad memories..
i'm bored..
cuz.
i'm bored and i'm countin' mah
.
finger hairs...listen...
1...
...2
..3
i'm worried .
cuz i coudn't even walk upright thiz mornin'..
and ppl r plannin' mah life fer me...well not exactly
i'm feelin'...
guilty..
when i have no reason to
i have been havin'
weird dreams
but i can't seem to tell anione..
or
they might think i'm crazy...

worst
of
dae
by
dae
they sae always look on the bright side of life
wad

if one dae ...u realized that

u dun have a bright side after all?

wad would U do?

2004-11-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

Ok....oh yeahx,ohyeahxdig dogs??
mi CamP iZ OVa....Fun larhx,i was like crawlin' in mud....(*wif spiders)cool
then i was sprayed wif water ,followed by a flour bath....crawlin' in a "long kang"..
which was infested wif worms
then i was forced to drink thiz stupid organic shit...
promo test was fun...went quite well
then came along rope obtacles....stupid fat assed sharmala was in mah breadman group...hahx..k nvm...movin' on she couldn't even pass a single station
....later she got our peautiful flag stolenthen she stained the peautiful floor wif mens...
thencame alond nightwalk....YES.....k wait...
IT WAS SO FUN?!i was second ta go...cuz mah bladder was explodin'....can u blame mi?i survived on onli ONE packet of maggie mee...plus i was sick...down wif ****aniwaiz...i went in he DESTINATED toliet.then went into a cubical after gettin' shocked and mah leg grabbed...so darkmovin' on i went around then came the furth floor ....then the MOST HAUNTED PLACE IN THE WORLD....THE RIFLE RANGE(*actually it's e nco room IN the rifle range)so dark i went in thenn somone slammed the door....SHUT!!later....came the hall....then..it ended so sad...
then we screwed up and ended up doin' midnight pt....now i'm here tired......
again can u blame me?i onli had ONE hour of sleep....that's 'bout all...no wait
.....oh yarhx after rollin' in mud we had to wear one of our mates socks.covered in mud so wet u can drain water out from it....
well....i'm still sick....at least it's over.covered wif scars wif muscle achesnow juz waitin' to collect mi lance coparal rank...oh yeahx.....

2004-11-18T17:32:00.000-08:00

sIttin HerE typin'....
pris made thiz fer mi.....NiCe i would go wif okay....
bored......fRuStrAted practically CuZ' mi ThrOaT iz kiLLin' mi......And pRomo caMp iz like OnlI wad two daes AwAy?so many stuff ta squeeze in...yet too tired to do it....can't belived i knocked out yesterdae......**stupid sissy**(sighs).....so stressed....mi hands r like wad cold??shit....i'm sweatin'....i'm ill i muz admit....
.........
......
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
wished LIfe had more meanin'.......
by the way i didn't type the "prissy is soooo nice to help mi make this " thing...hahaz
mah tagboard is down.....muz wait...